


Pistachios For Everyone

by N_Is_For_Knowledge



Category: A Series of Unfortunate Events (TV)
Genre: Bertrand is the Mom Friend, Gen, Mostly Dialogue, Pre-Canon, VFD Shenanigans, and Lemony is a sarcastic little shit, in which Kit and Beatrice have terrible plans
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-18
Updated: 2019-02-18
Packaged: 2019-10-31 02:11:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 269
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17840432
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/N_Is_For_Knowledge/pseuds/N_Is_For_Knowledge
Summary: “‘Why are our emergency rations in a safe, again?’ And not just a safe. A safe, hidden behind a painting, hidden behind another painting, hidden behind a large tapestry in the small, hidden VFD cabin in the Hinterlands.And they were in the middle of a blizzard. With an empty fridge.”





	Pistachios For Everyone

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry! *shoves fluffy shit at you and runs away*

“Ugh! Stupid fridge! Stupid firestarters! Stupid locked ration safe!”

 

“Why are our emergency rations in a safe, again?” And not just a safe. A safe, hidden behind a painting, hidden behind another painting, hidden behind a large tapestry in the small, hidden VFD cabin in the Hinterlands.

 

And they were in the middle of a blizzard. With an empty fridge.

 

“No idea. And I think this lock is jammed.”

 

“Are you sure you remember the code, Bea?”

 

“Yep. 22, 6, 4.”

 

“Just be glad it’s not a Vernacularly Fastened Door.”

 

“Shut up, Lem.”

 

“Did you remember to keep refreshing after each time you try?”

 

“Oh, shoot. I don’t think so. This better work. Spin to the left, 22, 6, 4. Ugh! It doesn’t work!”

 

“You know what, I’m just gonna melt the metal with my spyglass.”

 

“Kit, are you crazy? This cabin’s made of wood!”

 

“You know? That just might work! Here, I’ll use my spyglass too, to make it faster.”

 

“What faster? Set our house on fire faster?”

 

“If this works, pistachios for everyone.”

 

“Okay, here goes!”

 

“Melt, melt, melt, melt!”

 

“Be careful with those!”

 

“Yeah, even though a flaming house would really help with the cold, it won’t be very good to, you know, our continued existence.”

 

“Almost there!”

 

“You can stop now, that’s enough! Does anyone have a water bucket?” Lemony splashed water on the metal, which thankfully kept it from igniting the wood and burning the house down. 

 

The metal had melted away perfectly, leaving a large, ragged hole through which they could see… 

 

Five large bags of pistachios.

 

“Pistachios for everyone.”

 

“Shut up, Lem!”

**Author's Note:**

> I was sitting on this for the longest time, but here! Here’s something I wrote right after watching TSS and my personal head canon for the origin of “Pistachios for everyone.”


End file.
